Here are things I’m grateful for
you, right here, then gone again.
Life is busy always changing
I’m here, right here, then gone again.
The noise a heart makes when heard
through shirts and muffled hugs
It’s true, I’m here, then gone again.
Revolving doors. Two ticking clocks
the second hands not quite synced up.
Grateful for forgetfulness
more so for remembrance.
Things I’ve done, I’m sorry for
still grateful that this fight exists
this life exists in spite of it
grateful I’m a part of it.
I used to know a girl who hated herself and the world. She was hurt and she was scared. Most of all, she was angry. She could not accept the beauty of life because she was consumed in the meaninglessness of it. I love that girl. I wish I could hug her, but I do not think she would like me very much. She did not like people like me- people who were secure in the insecurity of life. She did not want to be happy because she wanted everyone around her to read her dark mind and feel her sadness.
I have been thinking lately that who I am today is a wonderful betrayal to that girl. It is possible that instead, who I am today is the person she secretly wanted to be.
Somebody told me once that the best relationships are the ones where you feel known, understood, and accepted. I have found that to be true not only in my relationships, but even in my interactions with people I don’t know well. I know it’s hard to achieve all of those things in one interaction, but I am here to tell you I have done it, and it is cool. Sometimes when I am totally myself around a stranger and I let them know that I have no idea what I’m doing, they return the honesty and we have a smile about it and then go about our days. And then I write that moment in my jar of happy things and that person has forever positively impacted my life. Isn’t that neat?
ps- This is my jar of happy things…
I made a comic page so you can go right to those if you don’t want to read my rambles but also I’ll post them here as well I guess.
I stay up at night and I worry about you. Are you alone? Are you scared? If you need me to, I can pretend I’m strong. I can pretend I’m not afraid of what the future holds, or if the future holds anything. I would do that for you. Sometimes you let me see the sad side of you. A side of you I may not be strong enough to see. A side of you that leaves me crumbling. Maybe you know that. Maybe I’m not the only one. Maybe you’re scared. Maybe you don’t know that you’re not alone.
Here’s another video. It is really nice.