One month ago today, Trevor died. I want to know the thoughts he was having. I want to know how he felt. I want to know a lot of things about his last 24 hours, and I will never get to.
One month ago today, something could have been done, right? There could have been something. He could have heard something or seen something that would have changed his mind, right? Maybe not.
I know that today, there is nothing that can be done to save Trevor. I know that I am only causing myself more heartbreak thinking of the things that could have saved his life. It’s too late. I have been repeating the serenity prayer in my head constantly since I found out about Trevor’s death. It only works some of the time.
I know that today, Trevor lives on in the smiles of the people who love him. I am reminded to have compassion and empathy for everyone I meet. Each of us is on our own journey, and together we can struggle, we can help each other up, and we can enjoy the good days. There are so many good days. There is so much beauty in this scary, confusing, gift that is life.
The true meaning of my life is derived from the connections I make with the humans around me. Each of us just trying to figure it out. I hope to see and be seen. If I had never shown my true self to Trevor, I never would have had the blessing of knowing him.
It is too late to save Trevor. And there are so many like him who will not get whatever it is they need in time. These things will break my heart as long as they are true, but they will also remind me to live with kindness on my sleeve and love in my heart.