In class the other day we read some flash fiction, or short-shorts. It’s basically super short stories. I am practicing.
We met, she talked, I listened. We danced, we hugged, we sat in silence. It was three years before we realized that there was never anything there to begin with. Two people who needed to be held. One could listen, one could talk. There was never anything there to begin with. People are walking outside. The sky is cloudy and their clothes are bright. They know their destination. They are expected somewhere. Wanted somewhere. They are hurrying to get there. I am here, alone in silence. Wondering where to go. Wondering if I should go. Wondering if I will ever have my turn. What do I have to hold on to? There was never anything here to being with.
The other day I heard six people say some really profound stuff. I am going to tell you two of the things I heard. The first thing was said by someone with a lot of clean time and he said it very beautifully and I can’t remember his exact words. It was something along the lines of, when your gratitude exceeds your expectations, you’re going to have a good day. That is so true and something I’d like to remember.
The second thing was said by another man with even more clean time. Something like a hundred years clean, but it may have been more like thirty. He spoke with so much confidence and told his amazing story. He began his talk by telling the group that we are living the dream. Then he said, “you know how we’re living the dream? Because we remember how bad the nightmare was”. It was something like that. It was great.
Something that came up a lot that day was the truth of NA that an addict, any addict, can lose the desire to use and find a new to live. I was reminded that I am powerless over other people’s recovery despite my continuous desire to help (more like force) other people to see what I see and commit to recovery.
This guy filmed two seconds of each day, everyday, for ten months: