I’ve heard that by day three, the worst is over. I hope that’s true. Day four has just begun and I’m certainly feeling less irritable and annoyed by everything. So far.
I keep thinking about my future students, and how I don’t want to smell like cigarettes when I walk into class in the morning. And I don’t want to snap at my 4th period because I would rather have a cigarette than teach them.
Of course, during the moments that I want a cigarette, I forget all of this. And I forget the shame, and I forget how much it hurt to breathe at the end of the day. Thank goodness for my e-cig. At least when quitting smoking I have something to help my brain not go insane. When I quit drugs, I didn’t have pretend drugs to ingest.
I’ve been drinking a lot of tea, because I am dependent on caffeine but coffee makes me want a cigarette more than anything. Caffeinated tea is not something to mess around with. The other day I had four cups of tea and I thought I was going crazy by the end of it. No anxiety attack though, which was a relief because I’ve been having a lot of those lately.
I think I’ve been having anxiety attacks because I am trying to be more meditative, and my mind is saying, “no! chaos! freak out! everything is horrible!”
Yesterday I was 10 minutes late to class because I had an anxiety attack at a gas station on my way to school and my professor didn’t count me late . I didn’t even tell her about my anxiety attack, she just decided not to count me late. That was my “happy jar” entry last night. It’s all about the little things.
Anyway, according to my quitting smoking app, I have gone 90 hours without a cigarette and I have saved $32. That’s almost the amount of a sweater I really want.