I haven’t posted in quite some time. I don’t have a ton to report. I’ve gone over 70 days without a cigarette. I finished my semester at school without any anxiety attacks, which has never happened before. I did it by meditating each morning and eating a full breakfast each day. Those two things made a huge difference, and not once did I feel overwhelmed by anxiety about getting all my work done. I was able to work hard on one thing at a time, without getting swallowed by the whole of what I needed to get done. That feels like a big accomplishment. If I could put emojis on this blog post, I would put the two dancing ladies here.
I now have a bit of a break before my summer courses start, and I have been trying to spend my free time in a way that reflects my values. I’ve spent a bit of time grading papers for a teacher at a high school who I have helped out this semester. I’ve done a lot of card-making, which I had no time for during the school year, so that has been a really nice creative activity.
Yesterday, I decided I want to be an astrophysicist as well as an english teacher (here’s to dreaming big), so I have been following an intro to astrophysics course from Yale on iTunes U (a great, free resource if you want to learn about anything new). The issue with secretly wanting to be an astrophysicist is that I do not enjoy physics or math. However, I’d just like to get enough of a grasp to have a conversation about the universe. I feel very connected to my higher power when I am learning about Dark Matter and exploring my curiosity about how the universe works, so I’m just going to allow that wonder to guide me instead of trying to be an expert.
I finally reached a rock bottom with my financial irresponsibility, but I have so much shame and embarrassment about that issue that I do not want to write anymore about it. I can feel the shame in my stomach and my shoulders just mentioning it here. When I get through it, I will write a whole post about it. For now I’ll just say that I am willing to go to any lengths to change my habits. I started with getting rid (it was stolen) of my debit card and deleting all of my online shopping applications on my phone.
I’ll write another post when I celebrate three years clean in Narcotics Anonymous, I’ll also write another post about my step eight and nine experiences. For now I’ll just say that I am grateful.
The one year anniversary of my relationship with my boyfriend is coming up on Saturday, and that is a huge milestone for us. The way we have done it is through communication and gratitude. Actually, I write another post about our relationship in a bit, that way people who think relationships are dumb can just not read that post.