Today was a hard day. It was one of those days where I kept wondering what I’ve gotten myself into with this whole teaching thing. I felt like I was in over my head. I felt like at any moment someone was going to look at me and say, “you don’t belong here, leave.” It was one of those, “please believe me while I pretend to be a grown up” kind of days.
This week has been a really long week. And it’s Tuesday.
When I got home (after a particularly frustrating traffic experience), I was so confused and frustrated that I didn’t know what to do with myself. I wanted to plan a new lesson, but the thought of it made me cry so I knew I needed a break from that for right now. I wanted to watch TV and get in my pajamas, but I was too on edge and anxious.
So, I went to the gym. I did not really want to go. Traffic was still bad and my sweatpants were so sweetly calling my name. I went anyway.
The gym was crowded and it smelled pretty weird today. However, once I got going, I got going. I ran and I cried a little but I kept running and after about twenty minutes I forgot what I was anxious about. Twenty minutes after that, I forgot that anxiety is a thing.
I felt myself pull in oxygen and I felt my legs getting sore and that was the only thing that existed in the world. That, and Beyoncé’s sassy voice singing to me through my headphones.
Usually I get frustrated when the weight machines I want to use are occupied but today all I needed were my legs. I kept imagining myself in a nice little bubble and all the background noise faded away.
I’m home now and my to-do list is glaring at me and I’m glaring right back at it. I’m home now and I know I have to go to bed soon so that I can face my fears in the classroom all over again tomorrow. I’m home now and I am so grateful that I had one hour where none of my fears existed.
Other benefits of going to the gym include (but are not limited to): better body image, positive self-talk, building healthy habits, more energy, better sleep, reduction of overall shitty moods even when you’re not working out, the list goes on.