Birthday

Wow, my first birthday post on this blog was for my 21st birthday. And this one is for my 25th birthday. What a cool thing.

My birthday was amazing and in true sim fashion, I had a number of “woah” moments. On my way to work, two of my sisters called me and made my day before it even began. Then, I got to go to my job! My dream job! And I was excited to work all day! On my Birthday! Crazy. Amazing. Wonderful.

Everyone was really nice to me, and my students were super awesome. Not everyone is into birthdays, but I still get super excited for my birthday and I give myself permission to do that. I felt like my students gave me permission, too, and that was very nice.

I stopped questioning why my life is so good. That’s really what I want to talk about. I don’t know when it happened. And it’s not all the time. Sometimes I think, “Oh god, something horrible is going to happen. My life being a good is some sort of glitch in the matrix and the universe is going to correct this soon.”

Most of the time, lately, I just think, “yeah, my life is good, I am very grateful for the stability I have been provided in some strange turn of events.” And it’s not really a strange turn of events. I work really hard. I practice gratitude everyday, even when friends die or people get upset with me or when I feel like I have no friends. There is always something to be grateful for.

I had a good talk with someone recently about taking ownership of life. I think that is what has changed for me over the last four years. I took ownership of my life. Because of that, I feel totally responsible for myself and for my happiness.

I really like being 25. I feel super young. I wonder if that ever goes away. I don’t think of myself as grown up. I think of myself as just trying to figure it out. Because of that, I am in a constant process of self-forgiveness and self-love. Forever gentle with myself. Forever grateful. Forever moving forward, even if I need to move backwards to do that sometimes.

When I opened my very first classroom, I looked around and saw carved in some metal the words, “be nice. work hard.” and that has become my mantra. Be nice. Work hard. Simple. Doable. Be nice. Work hard.

I set a number of goals on my 25th birthday, mostly around self-care and continuing my education. In October, I’m going to get a massage. In December, I’m going to take the GRE. Be nice. Work hard.

 

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